


November Blues (And Every Little Thing In Between)

by GimletRue



Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-16
Updated: 2020-11-16
Packaged: 2021-03-10 07:15:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 15,927
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27589397
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GimletRue/pseuds/GimletRue
Summary: Sooyoung hates ghosts – she awfully, tremendously, enormously loathes them. Her friends would say she’s just being her usual dramatic self, and maybe they are right.Or, LOOΠΔ’s unnie line goes camping to celebrate Halloween. Sooyoung hates it, and Jiwoo just want to confess her undying love for her.
Relationships: Ha Sooyoung | Yves/Kim Jiwoo | Chuu
Comments: 19
Kudos: 102





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, this is my longest fic so far. I hope y'all enjoy it. No worries, this is fluff fluff. Just a pinch of angst, I love them too much. It's impossible for me to not make it fluff. lol
> 
> Have fun reading!

_Where you are is where I always want to be_

_Anywhere, as long as you are there with me_

_I will take you to the places I have seen_

_Take my heart and run along_

* * *

When hot summer days cease, bringing an end to those long lazy afternoons, varying festivals, and random bouts of heavy rain; autumn peaks like a playful child. Eyes tinted with excitement, gushing over the enthralling hue of the leaves as they gradually change from green to red, orange, yellow and brown before they start falling. Maybe there’s beauty in that somehow, the brevity of it all contributes to the glory constantly changing seasons hold.

When the wind softly blows, piece by piece, the leaves of a tree that has stood for years fall – _slowly._ Just like how the sun slowly passes the equator, moves from northern to southern hemisphere, giving birth to the natural phenomenon known as _Autumnal Equinox –_ day and night having equal length, officially marking the beginning of Autumn.

People would say, “March comes in like a lion and goes out like a lamb,” but September is nothing of sort. It’s a gentle passing moment, a transition period in between summer and winter. The temperature grows colder, then without further ado, October arrives at everyone’s doorstep – abusing the doorbell, a white blanket over it, spooky stories and pumpkin basket in tow, ready to beam _‘Trick or Treat’_ to the ones who would open the door. _‘Happy Halloween’_ works too, except Sooyoung hates ghosts, so she isn’t exactly looking forward to Halloween nor November, really.

A lot of people curse Valentines, even calling it a capitalist event, so why can’t she curse Halloween too? She doesn’t understand what’s so good about the 31st of October, she’d say it’s better to donate the extra day to good ol’ February. Make it even, make October only have thirty days.

Not that she’s scared of ghosts or anything, she wouldn’t mind listening to ghost stories; horror movies are sometimes fun to watch too. With all due respect, she personally has nothing against those beings. It’s normal to dislike random things, for some it could be spiders, insects, snakes, math homework, college roommate, (no, her roommate is nice) useless groupmate on a project, grumpy history teacher or even humans in general. Her little sister Hyejoo hates humans, and it’s very much valid, so who says she can’t hate ghosts? Sooyoung simply does.

As October comes close to its end, Sooyoung’s strong dislike for ghosts becomes more apparent. She awfully, tremendously, enormously loathes them. Her friends would say she’s just being her usual dramatic self, and maybe they are right. They are probably right, because Sooyoung stares at the big penguin plushie sitting amongst the other toys on the shop they have visited – courtesy of her best friend, forcing her into a last-minute shopping for their much-awaited Halloween camping.

Right, she remembers how she hates the idea, just in time before Sooyoung could reach out for the said plushie and makes an impulsive purchase for a certain tiny being who is the very reason why she’s facing this whole predicament. She was planning to spend her holidays sleeping in until who-knows-when, but here she is. With a heavy sigh, she continues walking through the aisles of the shop, not really paying much attention to anything. Before she could begin whining for the nth time about her not-so-secret unwillingness to join the trip, her friend beats her to it.

**“Ha Sooyoung, you’ve promised.”** A girl who goes by the name ‘Haseul’ – noticeably shorter than Sooyoung herself, with short jet-black hair – sternly scolds Sooyoung.

Haseul’s hair being a remnant of last year’s summer wherein impulsiveness took over her better judgment, and decided she had enough of the hot weather; thus, she took it upon herself to make her life easier by cutting her hair. Haseul’s dark-brown locks cascading down her back was long forgotten, deeply tucked inside Sooyoung’s mind along hundred pieces of memories she has spent with her childhood friends, probably labeled as _Since ’97._

**“Technically, I didn’t? I said, I’ll think about it.”** Sooyoung reasons out, doesn’t even bat an eye and continues eyeing the big penguin plushie she seems to take a liking with.

_“It comes with free candies too, maybe I should buy it_.” She silently tells herself, contemplating whether to get it. Her left hand roaming her cardigan’s pocket, searching for her mobile phone. She clears out her notifications and listlessly fiddles with her device, texting or doing who-knows-what, a habit she has developed throughout the years.

Haseul stops on her tracks, faces Sooyoung, a sly grin plastered across her face, **“We both know Jiwoo takes that as a yes.”**

Of course, Kim Jiwoo would take that as a yes. Sooyoung is quite sure that Jiwoo probably takes everything as yes, her unyielding optimism remains on top as always. Sooyoung groans, her same-aged friend bearing a short hair is right.

Oh, she has almost forgotten that Haseul was able to drag her along to that salon too. She still remembers that day in detail, Sooyoung takes back ever saying that her roommate is nice. Haseul having her way with words, somehow convinced ( _scammed, rather)_ Sooyoung into cutting her hair too. She regretted it for days, but a certain girl – Jiwoo – assured her that she looks just as gorgeous, so she decided to keep the hairstyle; a small smile forming as she recalls that fond memory. (No, she would never admit that.)

If there’s anything Sooyoung despises more than ghosts, it’s breaking promises. She has always been a bit more sensitive, or in Haseul’s term – dramatic than most, so she values promises and such a tad bit heavier. In fact, that would be an understatement. It’s another one of her _habits_ , sounds like a reach but that’s what she would insist. Being late to appointments is normal for people their age, but Sooyoung being Sooyoung, she sees it as some sort of dishonor to a promise.

Up to this day, it’s a mystery how she was able to withstand being friends with Jiwoo – a girl who’s late to almost everything – for years. Haseul would say she’s obviously whipped, Sooyoung would disagree, but she knows arguing with Haseul would be endless; thus, just letting her closest buddy believe whatever theories she has conjured.

Haseul carries on, filling their shopping cart with various chips and what seems like decorations. Sooyoung quietly observes her, and low-key questions the amount of snacks her friend is getting – maybe a bit too much for five persons, but sure. Unconsciously, she finds herself gawking at the vivid blue packaging on one of the items Haseul put into the cart. _Blue._

A familiar feeling burning at the back of her mind rises, Sooyoung tightly clutches her phone as if that would make a difference – hoping that the stinging sensation would remain buried deep, deep, into her being until it dissipates into thin air.

With an unreadable expression, her eyes still fixated on the oh-so-vibrant _blue_ packaging, she deadpans, “ **You know I hate Halloween.”**

Haseul doesn’t miss a beat, and promptly retorts, **“And you think I love it?”**

Her friend’s remark snaps Sooyoung out of her daze, Haseul has always been considerate. Even now, not even a trace of impatience nor annoyance could be found on her expression. Just an understanding smile, a genuine one.

How is she supposed to answer back? Of course, she couldn’t. Sooyoung knows she’s being unfair. Defeated, she sighs, **“Fine.”**

**“Thought so.”** Haseul beams, attempts to playfully tackle her into a hug, clings her arm around Sooyoung’s neck, but unsurprisingly fails – the girl being taller and physically stronger than her.

**“It’s just camping, what could go wrong?”** Sooyoung shakes her head, a soft smile gracing her lips. She pushes their cart as she types away on her phone, Haseul follows through and excitedly puts more items.

Sooyoung and Haseul goes back to their dorm with so much things, facing minor problems with the unloading, which was easily resolved through Haseul’s girlfriend – Vivi’s help. Normally, Sooyoung would tease Haseul a lot – seeing how bashful her friend would sometimes get when Vivi’s around is always funny – but Sooyoung feels oddly kind today. The penguin plushie pokes out of the package she’s carrying, and she thinks maybe spending her holidays at Haseul’s forest villa wouldn’t be that bad. Hopefully.

* * *

_“_ _It’s just camping, what could go wrong?”_ What a naïve thinking.

There’s a saying that states, _‘Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong.’_ Sooyoung isn’t one to believe such random sayings, but when Kim Jiwoo is involved, of course everything could go wrong. _Horribly wrong_ – maybe even more terrifying than any of the ghost people talk about at this time of the year. In other words, she’s doomed. She knows this, she knows it way too well.

Knows it when Jiwoo shows up, wearing a pink casual dress with floral patterns, her signature full-bangs framing her face, soft curls left unbound to tumble, her eyes crinkling at the edges and the corner of her lips tugging upwards – the familiar bright smile that knocks Sooyoung off her feet every single time. Knows it when Sooyoung almost embarrasses herself by blurting out a quick please-marry-me, but Jiwoo engulfs her in a warm hug before she could utter any word. Sooyoung hears it, feels it in her chest – the little thump – a product of the brief hug initiated by the other girl. Oh, Sooyoung is royally screwed.

**“You’re here! I thought you hate Halloween!”** Jiwoo exclaims, her hand automatically sliding under Sooyoung’s, their fingers interlock as if it’s the most natural thing in the world.

Sooyoung finally regains her composure, opens the door of the van and motions for Jiwoo to go ahead. Jungeun lightly slaps the girl’s back and scolds her for being late again. Sitting on the passenger seat, Haseul laughs at the exchange and Vivi, their designated driver laughs along too; everyone being accustomed to Jiwoo being Jiwoo – always late at everything. Sooyoung bites back a smile, leans and whispers, **“Well, I don’t hate you.”**

Jiwoo arches her eyebrows, a glint of mischief flashes over her dark brown eyes, a teasing smile playing on her lips, **“Do you like me then? I like you too.”**

**“More than penguins?”** The older girl challenges, discreetly reaching for the penguin plushie on the back seat. Jiwoo squeals upon the sight of the cute creature; Sooyoung thinks Jiwoo is way cuter, but doesn’t say it out loud and opted to giving her a head-pat. 

**“I like you most. The penguins would understand, they aren’t territorial!”** Jiwoo hugs the penguin closer to her, looking at it as if it’s the greatest gift she had ever receive. Sooyoung wonders if she should buy more plushies next time or, maybe a bigger one. A penguin doll that would tower over the girl, she has no clue where to search for that kind of stuffed toy, but yeah. Anything to keep Kim Jiwoo happy.

**“Ya, penguins are very territorial! How can you not know your own family?”** Jungeun snickers, and somewhere along the line, they all start bickering about penguins.

Vivi starts up the car and carefully drives, occasionally chiming in with the conversation. Haseul even jumped in with her own theory that maybe penguins can actually fly, they are just hiding it from humans until the day they finally decide to conquer the world. Jiwoo’s eyes light up with that bold idea, and Sooyoung just fondly agrees with whatever rubbish the girl says. Jungeun gives up and sighs, **“I hate fifth wheeling.”**

Despite being entertained with the chaos unfolding, Sooyoung becomes uncharacteristically quiet. Distracted, she takes out her phone, and unconsciously smiles as she types away. Jiwoo has always been perceptive, so of course it doesn’t pass by her sharp eyes. (Or, when it comes to Sooyoung, nothing escapes her.) She notices it, and she feels her heart clench a little every time. Jiwoo would often see the older girl smile at her phone while typing, probably talking to _someone._

She wished she didn’t, then maybe she’d have the courage to finally tell Sooyoung how much she loves her.

And that’s when Jiwoo realizes that maybe she’s indeed somehow related to penguins. Penguins and chickens could pass off as cousins, right? Well, that’s how much of a chicken she is – too afraid to ask Sooyoung for the identity of the person she seems to be _always, always_ not-so-secretly talking to.

Sooyoung never lies, so she would probably tell her.

And Jiwoo thinks she can’t take that.

_Truth hurts,_ they’d say; but that’s downplaying it way too much. Truth supposedly set people free, but it would surely beat the hell out of Jiwoo first, make her want to tap out and just totally scrap the idea of ever trying to comprehend _the Ha Sooyoung_. Jiwoo is good at taekwondo, but she doubts her black-belt would do much to help her out in dealing with heartbreak. So, she ends up doing what she does best – putting up the brightest smile she could give, hoping that it could outshine the thoughts persistently gnawing at her.

Some truths though aren’t as complex as most people ought them to be, it doesn’t strictly require many components nor reasons. Jiwoo likes Sooyoung – she just does. Problem is, just because it isn’t complex, doesn’t mean it isn’t complicated. It’s definitely complicated, and when things are complicated, it certainly takes a lot of hard work to solve regardless of the number of parts involved.

That’s exactly what Sooyoung is going through.

Jiwoo likes Sooyoung and it doesn’t take a genius to figure that out. The older girl is anything but dumb, so of course she knows. The fact that Kim Jiwoo is never one for subtlety isn’t helping either. The first time she met the younger girl, Sooyoung already felt that it could be the start of her impending doom. (And she’s right.)

* * *

* * *

**_“Do I know you?”_ ** _Freshman Jungeun – who confidently dyed her hair a striking shade of blonde to commemorate the start of her college life – unenthusiastically asks, her eyebrows raised, mildly annoyed at Sooyoung – who at this point is a random stranger who has grabbed her arm, but is just staring at her without saying any words._

**_“Sorry, I thought you’re someone I know. Ya know, the hair.”_ ** _Sooyoung finally speaks, immediately let go of Jungeun’s arm, and bows repeatedly, apologizing for the intrusion._

_Jiwoo – donning a simple white button-up with short sleeves, wispy bangs and dark red hair on low pigtails – asks out of nowhere, **“Do you like blondes?”**_

****

**_“That’s oddly specific, but okay?”_ ** _With a slight tilt of head, Sooyoung blinks back, her face filled with so much confusion. Her eyes mindlessly direct to the smaller girl, noting how the girl seems to be waiting for her to continue, so she does, **“Uhm, I don’t think so?”**_

****

_Jiwoo let out a relieved sigh, and introduces herself, **“I’m Kim Jiwoo. If you’re not making a move on my friend here, and you don’t particularly like blondes,”** briefly pauses, hesitating whether she should really go for it, side-eyes Jungeun and sees her friend trying her best not to laugh, but Sooyoung appears to be clueless. Jiwoo decides that there’s no shame in trying, so might as well take a shot, **“maybe I could get your number?”**_

****

_Jungeun bursts out, being unable to contain her boisterous cackle, tapping on Jiwoo’s back, uttering, ‘you’re really shameless’ in between her fits of laughter. The little cogs in Sooyoung’s mind start functioning again and upon realization of what’s happening, she internally goes, ‘ohhh, alright.’ This isn’t her first time experiencing something like this, so she’s pretty sure she could handle it just fine. She gotta admit that she didn’t find the situation annoying at all though, just very unexpected and extremely amusing – that’s a first._

_Sooyoung pretends to check the time on her phone, cracking a polite smile, **“I’m late for my class. Maybe next time?”** She sees how Jiwoo’s smile falls, her gaze casting downwards and ears blushing, the embarrassment finally kicking in._

_Sooyoung turns her back, she’s accustomed with this – knows how to reject as courteously as possible. She’s aware that she should keep walking, regarding this encounter as just another random fun story she would have to tell her roommate later. Also, she wasn’t lying when she said she’s late for her class, she should be running by now if she doesn’t want to be marked absent, especially knowing that her professor is strict when it comes to attendance. Except, she doesn’t – her mind constantly replaying the smaller girl’s sullen expression and Sooyoung feels like she has just committed a heinous crime. So, she stops and waves to the girl, **“I’m Ha Sooyoung, second year English Major. See you around, Jiwoo! Next time!”**_

****

_The girl visibly cheers up, flashing the biggest smile as she waves back, and Sooyoung being the dramatic person she has always been – feels the need to brace herself for the possible ‘next time’. If the girl continues being like this, Sooyoung would certainly go blind. Jiwoo is too bright, Sooyoung would insist that the girl could pass off as the personification of the sun, combined with the softness of the clouds and everything nice the world has to offer – and it wouldn’t be an exaggeration at all._

_Sooyoung checks her phone and finally stops daydreaming, sees the time and starts sprinting towards her class. Luck seems not to be on her side as well, her lifetime supply of luck must have been entirely used up for that encounter with Jiwoo to be possible. The elevator is under maintenance, leaving her no choice but to use the stairs. She arrives fifteen minutes late to her class, beads of sweat all over her face, her professor giving her a scary look but fortunately allows her to enter the room. Upon sitting, her roommate and fellow English Major – Haseul – gives her a questioning look, which Sooyoung ignores._

_She’s physically tired with all the running and climbing up the stairs she had to do, but feels like she doesn’t mind at all. Sooyoung values punctuality so much, yet here she is – arrives late for the first time in her college life, but the only thing running through her mind is the image of the cute girl she met. She takes her phone and sneakily types under her desk, “I’m doomed.”_

_Sooyoung said ‘next time’, because at that moment, all she wanted to do was to wipe the frown off Jiwoo’s face. Next time might not even happen, they’ve only exchanged each other’s name and they are studying in one of the biggest universities in the country. Amongst thousands of students, the possibility of ever meeting each other again is probably as low as the chances of Haseul getting a girlfriend – she’s her best friend for as long as she can remember, but Sooyoung knows she’s too much of a dork to actually date someone. Not any time soon, at least._

_Or so she thought._

* * *

_Turns out, the universe has finally decided to betray Sooyoung and be kind to Haseul; the girl actually ends up dating their foreigner senior – a very attractive girl from Hongkong. Good for her, but not for Sooyoung – because her best friend for so many years just stood her up on their hangout time, leaving her to watch a movie she has been anticipating for so long on her own. After all, it’s still every woman for herself. ‘Mates before dates’ is nothing but wishful thinking, a lie every single person declare until they get into a relationship and forget ever saying such a ridiculous thing._

_Sooyoung can’t blame Haseul though, she’d honestly do the same. (Who wouldn’t?) Well, she can’t exactly complain much since she’s very happy for her friend, and it’s not like it’s a big deal to go to movies alone. That doesn’t mean she would let Haseul off the hook easily though, she’d at least make sure the girl would buy her dinner for a week straight. Sounds like a fair deal, isn’t it?_

_The universe is really coming for Sooyoung today, as if it has some sort of hidden vendetta against her. The stars must have freakin’ hate her, enough to make her watch a sad romantic movie alone – surrounded by couples all around the theater, she definitely looks like a loser right now. Worse, she didn’t expect ‘next time’ to happen this soon – just barely a week after her first encounter with Jiwoo – and definitely not on one of her most embarrassing moments either. Cool. Who said perfect timing doesn’t exist?_

_Lesson for today: The stars would always find spectacular ways to humiliate Sooyoung in front of the cute girl she has been thinking for days._

_The timing being incredibly perfect that on the most emotional part of the movie – when the girl visits the Jazz bar owned by her past lover, imagining the life they could have had together, only for her to snap back to reality that she’s now married and they have both moved on, leaving their past behind – Sooyoung being one to easily cry, weeps at the bittersweet ending. She’s busy crying her heart out, trying her best to not make too much noise when someone hands her some tissues, which she accepts with a small ‘thanks’._

**_“Are you…okay?”_ ** _The stranger mumbles amidst sobs, Sooyoung is glad to know she isn’t the only one shamelessly crying – until she recognizes the voice of the girl. Once the movie’s end credits flash, the lights turn on and Sooyoung’s eyes widens, mouth agape, appalled at the confirmation that the stranger is indeed none other than Kim Jiwoo._

_Jiwoo looking way too different from when they first met, the younger girl now wearing a red flannel, ripped jeans and a black baseball cap – any trace of the soft girl with the brightest smile almost nowhere to be found. Almost, because she starts bawling again when the original sound track of the movie plays in the background as people exit the theater._

_Sooyoung panics a little and feels like wanting to cry again as she carefully wipes Jiwoo’s tears with the sleeve of her own jacket, **“Let’s get out of here first. We probably both look like a mess.”**_

****

_Sooyoung offers her hand to Jiwoo – which she accepts while still sniffing – the older girl chuckles at the sight and lightly squeezes Jiwoo’s hand in attempt to comfort the crying girl._

_Jiwoo has stopped crying, but remains quiet, probably still upset over the movie. Sooyoung tries her best to rack her brain of anything that could possibly cheer up the other girl, but finds nothing – she’s low-key tempted to do a quick search of how-to-comfort-girls, but she’s still holding Jiwoo’s hand and it would be rude to just randomly take it back. Yes, she’s trying to be polite. It has nothing to do with how pleasing the warmth emanating from Jiwoo’s hand is. (Definitely.)_

_As they continue walking through the mall, they’ve passed by the newly-opened crepe shop Sooyoung has been wanting to check out, and an idea occurs to her. **“Jiwoo, do you like crepes?”**_

****

_Okay, maybe the stars aren’t that bad._

_Scratch that, Sooyoung would like to thank all the stars and the planets out there for letting her witness this tiny cute creature munches on a strawberry crepe in front of her – talking about penguins in between bites, the sad movie long forgotten. The girl isn’t even that short, Sooyoung is just a couple of centimeters taller than her; yet she couldn’t find a more befitting word than ‘tiny’ to describe how adorable she is. Jiwoo likes strawberries, Sooyoung notes for future reference. (What future reference? What happened to just being polite?)_

**_“Is there anything on my face?”_ ** _The doe-eyed girl asks, an adorable pout on her lips. Sooyoung thinks she must have been weirded out because it’s definitely not ‘polite’ to gawk at a person eating in front of you – especially when said person is technically a stranger. She knows her name though, that should count, right? (Count for what exactly, Sooyoung doesn’t know either.)_

**_“Ah, no… Sorry, I was spacing out.”_ ** _Sooyoung reasons out. It took her a hell lot of self-control to not tell Jiwoo that yes, there’s indeed something wrong in her face – too adorable, too cute, too pretty, petrifyingly gorgeous. Since when did the world let such a tiny beautiful thing exist, this should be illegal. This is wrong, very wrong._

_Lips parting, a shaky laughter and a visible shift in her expression, Jiwoo immediately asks, **“Am I boring you out? Is it the penguins? Do you hate them…”** Here it is again, that sullen expression comparable to a kid who was waived off her favorite snack – Sooyoung hates it. _

**_“I’m just wondering since when are penguins allowed to be out in the streets. Oh, there’s one here eating crepes.”_ ** _Sooyoung teases, wants to wipe the bits of whipped cream on the corner of the younger girl’s mouth, but retreats her hand and gives the tissues to Jiwoo instead.  
  
“Sooyoung, come on. Pull yourself together,” mentally scolding herself._

**_“Are you calling me a penguin???”_ ** _Jiwoo answers back, squinting her eyes, she continues, **“Contrary to the popular belief, not all penguins live on ice.”**_

****

_The girl starts another one of her lectures about penguins, how there’s a specie called Galapagos Penguin which could be found somewhere on the North of the Equator. Sooyoung enthusiastically nods and casually chimes in with her fair amount of knowledge about those creatures – acquired from years of sitting through discovery channel, watching animal documentaries because Haseul and another same-aged friend of theirs enjoy it a bit too much. Sooyoung would say she’d rather watch dramas or something, but of course, she’d still always end up yielding._

_Penguins. Discovery channel. Fishes. Ocean. Blue. Blue. BLUE._

_“Sooyoung, don’t think about it.”_

_She takes a deep breath and wills herself to focus on Jiwoo’s impromptu Penguin Class – smiles at how the girl animatedly explains how penguins are super friendly with people, claiming, **“Dogs are man’s best friend, sure. But what about penguins? Penguins are sooo friendly!”** _

_Sooyoung can get accustomed with this easily; she can’t even last listening to her univ lectures for more than fifteen minutes, but she wouldn’t mind listening to Jiwoo’s never-ending love for penguins. **“I agree, I like penguins too!”**_

****

**_“You like me? I like you too.”_ ** _Jiwoo playfully winks, Sooyoung jokingly scoffs, laughing along the other girl’s antics. This time, definitely not just out of ‘politeness’. That’s when it dawns on her – yep, Sooyoung is royally screwed._

_Hours passed by, talking about everything they’ve randomly ended up discussing. Playful banters and a whole lot of sharing random embarrassing moments, ones that could surpass coming across each other on this one time they’ve both decided to watch a movie on their own – not on their proudest moment – eyes red, make-up ruined by tears and maybe with some snot too. Being typical univ students, they have found a mutual understanding through a common object of hate as well – university is indeed the bane of their existence._

_She has learned that Jiwoo is younger than her, a freshman student – Sooyoung muses, no wonder the girl could smile brightly. Maybe give it a few more months and she’s going to be like every other student – completely exhausted, the caffeine flowing through their veins being the only thing keeping them alive. (This pretty much sums up Sooyoung at this point of her univ life.) And since they were on the topic of it anyway, Sooyoung asks, **“What’s your major?”**_

****

**_“I’m a Vocal Major.”_ ** _Oh, now that’s surprising. Not that Jiwoo doesn’t come off as someone who would be into music, but Sooyoung is just taken aback. It makes sense though, at least Sooyoung can explain now why she seems to be obsessed with the girl’s melodious laugh – or, voice in general rather. That explains it, maybe she isn’t doomed yet. Perfectly valid, right?_

_When it’s about time for them to go their separate ways, Jiwoo fidgets on her seat, her hand anxiously rubbing on the back of her head, her eyes avoiding the older girl’s. Sooyoung isn’t that bad in taking a hint, so she smiles, **“Hey, let’s exchange numbers. I’ve said next time, right? I think now counts as that.”**_

****

_She isn’t a despicable person and she values promises a lot, she’d say she’s merely adhering to her morals. Just doing her best to uphold her treasured values, it has nothing to do with how happy she gets when Jiwoo’s eyes would lit up – like a three-year-old child who has just seen her favorite person in the world come, bearing gifts. The term ‘Jiwoo’s favorite person’ sounds nice though, Sooyoung notes._

_No, scratch that. Just no._

**_“Maybe…we could watch a movie next time? Hopefully a happy one?”_ ** _Jiwoo offers, and how would anyone expect Sooyoung to react? What is she supposed to do? Reject the girl, crush her heart and that radiant smile? Sooyoung tends to make fun of Haseul too much, but she isn’t a cold-hearted bastard. Say no to Jiwoo? Of course, she can’t do that! It would also be a lie if she says she didn’t enjoy their time together today, but no one needs to know that._

**_“Sure. Next time.”_ **

* * *

* * *

After a couple of _next times_ , movies, crepes and conversations exchanged, everything just fell into place – Sooyoung didn’t know exactly when, but Jiwoo just gradually seeped into her daily routine. The younger girl becoming part of her being, a buddy for almost everything, a friend she could always depend on – the girl has naturally carved her place in Sooyoung’s not-so-eventful life. She has a lot of friends though, Jiwoo is just another one of them. Nothing special. (Or so she says.)

Again, Jiwoo has never been one for subtlety. Jiwoo is Jiwoo, a ball of sunshine who’s very outspoken and strong-willed. Throughout the years, the younger girl has shown obvious adoration towards Sooyoung – it wouldn’t be a reach to say that every person who knows them is probably aware. Some of their friends – mainly Haseul – are even convinced that they are already dating, just keeping it low-key for whatever reason. So, when Jiwoo finally confessed, it wasn’t surprising.

She has always known it’s bound to happen, Sooyoung isn’t oblivious. She isn’t an insensitive jerk who pays no attention to her surrounding and only cares about herself – oh, how badly she hopes she was.

If she is, then maybe things would be easier – but she isn’t.

* * *

The five girls gather around a small bonfire they were able to make after so much bickering – Haseul wanting to throw a whole gallon of gasoline to it just to make sure that it would burn well, and Sooyoung saying over and over again that, **“No, Haseul. Unless you want to burn the whole forest. Us included.”**

Luckily, Jungeun decides to take over before the childhood friends could start beating up each other over something silly. (Which wouldn’t be the first time, of course.) Jungeun flexing the remaining shred of knowledge she could recall from years of experience as a girl scout before, **“Y’all can’t even make a bonfire? What would you do without me? I’m the best fifth wheel anyone could ask for!”** They all end up laughing, clapping and letting _the best fifth wheel anyone could ask for_ take the credit.

**“Well, _someone_ else has always been in charged with making the fire,” **Haseul shrugs.

It has been years since Sooyoung last celebrated Halloween here in the forest, faint recollection of the days they’ve spent here through different stages of their life flashes over her – kids running around as their parents prepare barbeque, chaotic high school students wanting to go ghost hunting at the ungodly hours of the night, and freshmen univ students celebrating their successful admission to their chosen institution. The last one being the final memory she had of this place.

They have promised to keep their Halloween tradition alive even after entering univ, but of course, that didn’t happen. It just didn’t.

_Freakin’ promises._

As the fire blazes, lighting up the night and exuding a comforting warmth on the air encircling them – the wood blocks used for it slowly burns. The group of friends begin exchanging stories, experiences that have turned them into the persons they are right now. Sooyoung hates Halloween, heck, Haseul pretty much forced her into coming here; but she couldn’t deny that at this moment, she’s so glad she isn’t at home just sleeping. Not minding the time, they’ve kept on talking. It’s one of those rare moment wherein one could simply bask in, forgetting everything even just for a little while.

Remembering the good ol’ days, they were all laughing as Haseul fondly shares silly stories, **“We were such rowdy kids. Our parents dubbed us as the Three Musketeers! I’m the leader, of course… Yeah.”**

_Three Musketeers. Three._

Everyone notices how Haseul’s expression shifts as she finishes her sentence, her smile slowly fading. Sooyoung flinches as well, gives Haseul a knowing look and a silent plea, _“Please, stop.”_

An awkward silence.

No, it’s more than that – a deafening silence slashing through the darkness of the night. Under a sky full of stars, the bonfire sending glorious sparks into the blackness of the evening. The rustling of the leaves as the gentle autumn breeze blows being the only audible sound.

What do the Irish people say about lighting bonfires on Halloweens again?  
  
On the eve of Halloween, dead spirits would come visit the mortal world – the barrier separating humans from those entities gradually forms a fissure. Begins with the tiniest of marks, comparable to a person standing in a frozen lake on the last weeks of Winter. The ice starts cracking, then eventually splits open – letting those hideous creature claw upon humans. To prevent the spirits from wreaking havoc, bonfires must be lit. The living would wear different costumes in an attempt to trick the dead, just in case some of them are able to withstand the light of the fire.

_Souls lurking within the shadows, kept at bay by the glow of the searing flames – burning away the shadows. The shadows get deeper, and the night gets longer._

As the world progresses, the tradition has greatly changed – turns into a night of fun where everyone would dress up for fun and attend parties and such. _Trick or Treat,_ the kids would say. Oblivious to the origin of the celebration, being clueless that in the old days it goes like this, “Trick the evil spirits, or else you’d end up being a treat for them.”

Except, Sooyoung isn’t tricking anyone here, but herself. No matter how much she feigns indifference, that stinging sensation burns – know _it would, know it does, know it will._

**“I’m uhm, sleepy already. I’ll head back first.”** Haseul finally breaks the silence, stands up and gives Sooyoung’s shoulder a tap before she walks away. Vivi follows through, purposely taking Jungeun with her, leaving Sooyoung and Jiwoo alone.

Sooyoung remains frozen in her seat, at lost for words. Jiwoo shuffles closer, carefully takes her hand, **“Are you okay?”**

Sooyoung blinks back at her, takes in the sight of the girl on this autumn night – her soft features illuminated by the fire, a tender smile on her lips, gives Sooyoung’s hand a comforting squeeze.

**“I think I’m okay now,”** Sooyoung responds, the thoughts plaguing her mind momentarily halt – and again, _that’s a first._ The younger girl seems to have a knack when it comes to making her feel things she hadn’t before. (And maybe _shouldn’t._ ) Jiwoo reaches for Sooyoung’s other hand, intertwining their hands, gently rubbing – she starts softly humming an unfamiliar song.

_Everything that was directed at you who were far away  
It will become clear, it’s almost magical  
Slowly getting closer  
This fluttering feeling, yeah_

Jiwoo’s calming voice fills the air, and Sooyoung feels the familiar oh-so-insistent-thumping inside her chest. They are sitting a bit too close, she wonders if Jiwoo could hear it – and if she does, what would she think about it? Would it make the girl happy? Would she take the older girl in an embrace? Jiwoo gives the warmest hugs, and Sooyoung might be really needing one now. The bonfire keeps them warm, but Sooyoung feels cold – she’s _freezing._ Not physically, but she has probably let herself be _stuck_ for far too long and now she’s unsure of what to do.

_Mystical universe  
Shine on the moon fully  
Even your trembling breath right now…  
…is close enough for me to catch_

Jiwoo closes her eyes as she finishes the rest of the song, her face looking as peaceful as ever. The younger girl has always been this way, her existence has this certain effect to Sooyoung. The bright girl is by no means a quiet person, but has the ability to drown out the thoughts haunting Sooyoung – Jiwoo makes her serene – and Sooyoung would always be grateful for it.

Jiwoo opens her eyes, catching the older girl staring at her, she chuckles, **“Can I tell you something?”**

Sooyoung doesn’t avert her gaze, too engrossed with the moment, but manages to give a light-hearted response, **“You still would even if I don’t agree.”**

**“I like you.”** It isn’t the first time Jiwoo tells her this, but it still gives her that giddy feeling every time. Sooyoung’s glad it isn’t anything serious though, for a moment there, she thought the younger girl would confess or something. (That would have been a mess.)

Sooyoung gleefully nods and beams, **“I know, you probably say it every day.”**

**“I’m serious. I mean it.”** Jiwoo utters, her voice resolute, but Sooyoung notices the slight shake of her hand. That’s when it dawns on her, “Oh, she’s indeed confessing.” And that’s when Sooyoung’s smile falls into a frown. _Jiwoo likes her. Kim Jiwoo likes her. For real._

Under normal circumstances, she would have been so happy – jumping off, celebrating – but she knows she shouldn’t, knows she _couldn’t._ Nothing about this is normal, especially not when Jiwoo is sitting just few centimeters away from her looking hopeful and very much gorgeous. Her eyes show so much affection, plump lips glistening with the strawberry lip balm Jiwoo always use – Sooyoung just want to give the girl the biggest hug and maybe kiss her, have a taste of that sweet strawberry lip balm as they both melt into the kiss.

_Sooyoung wouldn’t dare to._

Mustering all the remaining strength she had within her, Sooyoung puts on her usual smile. Masking hundreds of words that would remain unspoken, for there’s no way in hell she would ever let Jiwoo suffer. She’s no coward, but she could never take it if Jiwoo ends up hating her. **“No. You don’t mean it, silly.”**

With unshed tears glimmering in her eyes, trying her best not to break down, the younger girl retorts, **“We both know I do. So much.”**

As much as it pains her seeing the usually cheerful girl like this, Sooyoung holds her ground. She’s in a sinking ship – frozen in time – and she’d never let Jiwoo drown with her. She knows being the kind-hearted girl she is, Jiwoo would insist on holding on, so Sooyoung does it herself – she let goes of the girl’s hand. **“It’s late. Let’s head back.”**

As Sooyoung turns her back to splash the bucket of water they’ve prepared beforehand to kill the bonfire, Jiwoo’s voice cracks – pleading, **“Would you at least tell me who she is?”**

It doesn’t faze the older girl – Jiwoo has always been mindful of her, and Sooyoung is just as mindful. (Way more than she’d be willing to admit.) So, when the girl asked, it didn’t come as a surprise – of course, she knows. The statement that follows it came out of nowhere though, **“I’ve figured you’re dating someone.”**

Sooyoung has almost dropped the empty bucket she’s holding, a questionable slow smile builds as the silly thought sinks in. Wasn’t the younger girl supposed to be insightful? Then how on earth could she think it’s possible for Sooyoung to fall in love with someone else – _specifically someone who isn’t Jiwoo?_ Hilarious! **“Huh? No, I’m not seeing anyone,”** She truthfully answers without looking at the other girl – afraid that her eyes would give away how she actually feels for her – then head back to the villa. Jiwoo silently trails behind her – a couple of feet away, making sure Sooyoung would be far enough not to hear her in case she starts bawling.

Jiwoo has always thought she’s prepared for this; she has imagined the moment she’d finally confess her undying love for Sooyoung over and over again – even created a song for her. She has anticipated for the very likely scenario where the older girl would tell her that she’s actually in a relationship with someone, and that’s okay.

Being the optimistic person she is, she’s still willing to take a chance. It couldn’t be that bad, and who-knows maybe Sooyoung likes her too. (There’s nothing wrong with being a bit hopeful.) And even if the girl doesn’t, Jiwoo would be fine with that – she even rehearsed several times how she would act composed, give a wide smile and coolly say, _“It’s okay, I just want to finally say it.”_

She thought she got it all figured out, but the universe has always been a bit of a troll. _“Heh, you wished.”_ Dumbfounded, reality slams her down, a punishment for being too complacent – naively thinking that it would turn out fine even if Sooyoung is in love with someone else, only to find out that there was never a _someone else_ in the first place.

Sooyoung isn’t in love with anyone, she just simply doesn’t like Jiwoo – _and that’s a much harder pill to swallow._

* * *

_‘Cause I’m running after you_

_I’m running after you_

_I’ll do what I can do_

_I’ll do it all for you_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yep, the movie mentioned is La La Land.


	2. Blues

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A ghost doesn’t have to be real for it to haunt you – it just does.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's probably obvious enough, but yeah. Spoiler Alert: Trigger warning for implied past minor character death.

_Open up your secret doors_

_Time won’t heal everything_

_If you don’t surrender your lies_

* * *

_"_ **_Oh, Haseul is taller than us now!”_ ** _A ten-year old girl, looking so small – wearing her favorite over-sized blue sweater, points out. November has started, the air carries a distinct feel – more refreshing than a summer breeze, but not as chilly as winter nights. Nonetheless, the little girl rejoices as she has successfully lit the small bonfire; something her father has taught her._

**_“Hah. I’ve always been taller than you, children!”_ ** _Haseul proudly claims, a smug look on her face as she walks closer to the other girl, trying to show off their slight height difference._

**_“Jo Haseul, I’m still older than you. You should call me unnie!”_ ** _The little girl snickers, gives an offended look, even raising her eyebrows to feign hurt. She’s just a month older than Haseul, but of course that doesn’t stop her from using it to counter her friend’s remarks._

**_“Joke’s on you, I’m older than both of you.”_ ** _Sooyoung pipes in, the two girls simply dismissed her statement, purposely ignoring her – so she tackles both of them in a hug, causing them to fall on the ground. Their parents watching from afar laugh at their children’s antics, and the young girls couldn’t help but join along. Sooyoung, still engrossed with her joke demands, **“Ya, call me unnie!”**_

****

**_“Hey, my favorite sweater is dirty now.”_ ** _The little girl whines, although a big smile is plastered across her face – making it clear that she doesn’t care that much anyway. She perches up and mockingly gives Sooyoung a pat on the back, **“No need to be petty, you’ll outgrow us someday!”**_

****

* * *

* * *

The buzzing of Sooyoung’s phone brings her back to reality – the alarm must have been going off for a while now, but her body chose to ignore it in favor of letting the girl get her much needed sleep. She wakes up with a frown, an annoying feeling settles in as she recalls her dream. Is she even supposed to call it a dream? Maybe a _nightmare_ would be a more befitting word, but it’s not like it’s a scary dream. It’s just another one of those feint recollections of her childhood days that she’d get sometimes. Heck, it’s not even a particularly sad moment or anything.

_“This is pathetic,”_ Sooyoung inwardly berates herself.

It has been a week since their Halloween trip, and she hasn’t spoken with the other girls since then. Their trip didn’t exactly end in a bad note, mostly thanks to Haseul who was able to somehow cheer everyone up throughout the rest of the trip. The ride on their way back to the city was probably the quietest time they had together though – with Sooyoung spacing out more than usual and Jiwoo not saying anything except the occasional response when being asked.

It’s not like Sooyoung is intentionally avoiding the other girls, it’s just that she hasn’t been really her usual self for a few days now – having no energy to even bother stepping out of their small shared apartment, let alone talking to anyone. Except for Haseul, because she’s her roommate and there’s no way the girl would let Sooyoung isolate herself too much. In fact, she’s actually surprised Haseul hasn’t forcefully dragged her out of their room yet. (She did that last year.)

Her inner turmoil gets interrupted when she sees her roommate – round specs framing her face and a cup of coffee in hand – reading a book, probably doing some advance reading. It seems like the girl had woken up much earlier, already dressed up and prepared to head to class any time.

**“Are you coming to class? We aren’t late yet. You still have,”** Haseul checks her wrist watch and continues, **“about thirty minutes?”**

Sooyoung pretends to think it over before asking, **“Can I say no?”**

**“Of course. Don’t mope too much though.”** Haseul puts down the book she’s reading, gives her a knowing glance and strides across the room. **“I know you still will, but yeah.”**

Holding the doorknob, about to exit their room – Haseul turns back and gives her a reassuring smile, **“Hey, you know I’m always here for you, right?”**

**“I know, thanks.”** Sooyoung bids Haseul goodbye and locks the door after she left.

November has come, and Sooyoung can’t think of a better word to describe it other than ‘blue.’

_Blue._

It’s the color commonly associated with tranquility, supposed to give a sense of inner security, but it makes her feel anything but calm. It should remind her of the clear sky on a great sunny day, but what Sooyoung envisions is a deep, deep shade of blue – one that doesn’t make her think of peaceful summer afternoons, she instead sees the sky turning stormy and the waters raging. She could almost hear the sound of the vast blue sea – buzzing with its dormant strength, waves steadily creeping towards the shore. _Unbearably slow._

As slow as the ticking of the wall clock across the room, every second feels a lot longer than it actually is. Or, maybe that’s what happens when Sooyoung spends the rest of the day lying on her bed, listlessly staring at the wall clock – full of thoughts she couldn’t control. She hopes time would move faster, hoping the day would end sooner. Maybe she could sleep it off, dreading for the day she would wake up and finally say she’s over it – she has accepted it.

Except, Sooyoung knows it wouldn’t happen – not now, not tomorrow, not any time soon.

Sooyoung hates ghosts, those translucent creatures who lurk in the darkness, haunting the living. As if they are constantly reminding humans that they were once alive, so now they cause a sense of unease on purpose – asserting their lingering presence over the mortal realm. Like a curse that could only be lifted by a magical spell, which Sooyoung doubts whether it actually exists. It probably doesn’t – not for her case, at least.

Her train of thoughts is cut abruptly when she hears the knocking on the door – which is weird, because the clock says 5PM and she’s pretty sure her roommate’s classes wouldn’t end until at least 8PM. Then again, it can’t be Haseul – she would have a key, so there would be no point in knocking. She tries her best to remember if she has forgotten any appointment with anyone – she obviously comes up with nothing. She’s never been someone who invites over friends to her place, especially not on a day like this.

If Haseul copes up by treating it as another mundane day, Sooyoung prefers forgetting that it exists – maybe if she pretends long enough, it would cease to exist. Chances are, it won’t – it hasn’t for the last few years, but she’d always choose to ignore that tiny detail. 

She’d forget today, staying in her bed until another day starts – while her brain goes on overdrive, nitpicking every regretful life decision she has previously made. “This too shall pass,” they’d say; so, she’s merely adhering to that saying.

Time is a vicious troll – maybe even worse than the universe itself – it doesn’t stop for anyone, not even when Sooyoung desperately longs for it to temporarily halt. She could pray as much as she wants to all the gods out there, moon, stars, planets, satellites, and asteroids included; yet it still won’t help her.

At the end of the day, Earth would keep on spinning – another day will inevitably come and tomorrow she’d be back to her regular self. (Or so she hopes.)

Thus, when the knocking starts again, she wonders, _“Has the ghost finally decided to pay me a visit?”_ Pushing off the silly thought, Sooyoung proceeds to open the door. Jiwoo – wearing a grey jacket, her eyes frantically trying to avoid the older girl’s – appears at her doorstep.

_If people would say March comes in like a lion and goes out like a lamb, November for Sooyoung comes in a form of a tiny…uhm penguin?_

**“…Hello?”** Jiwoo awkwardly greets her, hugging a paper bag of what seems to be food from Sooyoung’s favorite restaurant. **“Haseul-unnie told me you’re sick, I just wanted to check if you’re okay. And… I’ve brought some food?”**

Of course, Haseul would tell Jiwoo. No wonder her friend was being oddly tolerant of her behavior these past few days, contrary to the usual _‘we’re going to talk about how you’re feeling, unless you want me to choke you in your sleep’._ Combined with not-so-empty threats such as, _“You may be taller than me, but that doesn’t mean I can’t accidentally leak the folder of your embarrassing pictures to the class group chat.”_

Sooyoung simply responds with a nod and invites Jiwoo in. It has been days since she has last seen or talked to the younger girl, so she wasn’t sure what to say and she’s not exactly in a good mood for small talks either. (Or, she’s just very afraid of saying anything unnecessary) The girl sees how tensed Sooyoung is, seems thinner than the last time she has seen her, and looking definitely exhausted – Jiwoo concludes she must have had a very bad day. Several days, actually. Or, maybe years. She doesn’t have to know that though, and it’s very unlikely for the older girl to ever admit that out loud.

**“Are you okay?”**

Sooyoung doesn’t answer, and just smile as she set the food the younger girl has brought for her in the table. She hasn’t eaten the whole day, yet she doesn’t feel hunger at all, not even after seeing her favorite dishes. Jiwoo has always thought the older girl’s smile is very attractive – it’s one of the countless things she likes about Sooyoung, but now she’s starting to despise it.

She has done a lot of thinking over the past week and she has realized something important – Sooyoung has never actually given her a response. A point Jungeun has raised when she told her best friend what happened during their trip. Their friend went, “That’s such a lame move. Do you want me to knock some sense into her? A punch or two?”

Some might think Jiwoo is a masochist for wanting to receive a direct rejection, but she’d rather have that over this ambiguous _something_ going on between them – Sooyoung is pretty much just disappearing, as if throwing away their years of friendship. Jiwoo isn’t even demanding for them to keep on being friends as if the whole confession thing didn’t happen, she merely wants a clear answer – then maybe she could finally get over her. (As if that would be possible, Jiwoo herself derides the thought.)

Maybe Jungeun do have a point, she should beat up Sooyoung. When she takes a closer look to the older girl though, the idea completely goes down the drain. She isn’t even sure if it’s just the part of her that’s still very much in love with Sooyoung, or she’s just not blind to not see how miserable the girl looks.

Sooyoung seems to be already doing a pretty good job in beating herself up – dark bag underneath her eyes, her hair messy, looking like it’s the first time she has gotten up from her bad for days. Jiwoo’s brows furrow, she wonders if the older girl is even eating properly.

**“Will you please stop that?”** Jiwoo tries to say it as gently as she could, afraid that the older girl might completely retreat, hide and utter words she doesn’t mean. (It wouldn’t be the first time.)

**“Stop what?”** Sooyoung nonchalantly responds, her oh-so-usual smile not even faltering for a second. Jiwoo gets more frustrated with the older girl’s reaction, she closes her eyes – trying to calm and stop herself from full-on calling out Sooyoung for her blatant lie.

**“Stop smiling when you clearly don’t mean it.”** Jiwoo sternly tells the older girl, every word resonating within Sooyoung, like a wake-up call for her to finally snap out of her daze. As if the girl is telling her, “Ha Sooyoung, cut it out.” (And honestly, it’s what she really means – just told using kinder words.)

* * *

* * *

**_“No way. You’re taller than me now!”_ ** _Fourteen-year old Sooyoung gasps, disbelief written all over her face._

**_“Ayyee, you’re taller than Haseul now! Don’t worry, you would outgrow me someday. Maybe even outlive me!”_ ** _Another teenage girl, wearing padded coat with her favorite shade of blue, attempts to pat Sooyoung’s head in order to emphasize their height difference._

**_“That’s good and all, but stop talking as if I ain’t here!”_ ** _Haseul whines, their friend who had once towered over them has seemingly been left behind these days when it comes to the topic of height. Of course, they make sure to use it to their advantage – teasing her about it every chance they’d get. **“I’m still growing!”**_

****

**_“Yeah, so are we.”_ ** _They fire back, raise their chin up a bit and walk closer to Haseul, so the girl would need to physically look up to them. She complains, but her words have been quickly drowned out by more teasing remarks – so, she just let them be, and somewhere along the line, ends up laughing with them._

* * *

* * *

For some unknown reason, a random memory hidden somewhere inside Sooyoung’s mind surfaces. She clutches her phone tightly, wanting to throw it across the wall – smash it into pieces, rendering it unusable and maybe that would somehow make her feel better. (Of course, it wouldn’t.) Fragments of those memories flashing in her mind, all those childish bickering over something as silly as height. Sooyoung is now clearly the tallest one among them – Haseul whom she would sometimes tease for she has stopped growing taller few years back, and the other girl who’s obsessed with anything color blue, well….

**“Unnie, you could talk to me. You know that.”** Jiwoo’s voice once again takes Sooyoung out of her trance, the younger girl’s soft facial features filled with so much worry. Suddenly, she feels like there are hundreds of little _Jiwoos_ repeatedly shaking every part of her being – very persistent and keeps on mumbling, _‘tell me’._ Sooyoung is Sooyoung, no matter how stubborn she is, she’d always have a soft spot when it comes to the younger girl. Hundreds of tiny _Jiwoos_ buzzing in her head? Of course, her resolve to always stay at a safe distance starts to crumble.

**“I don’t want you to hate me.”** For once, Sooyoung allows herself to be finally honest. Her words come out hushed – voice barely audible, as if she’s so afraid of letting anyone hear. She averts her gaze, too terrified to take a look at the younger girl.

With unwavering determination – voice clear, devoid of any sign of hesitation – Jiwoo speaks with certainty, **“Try me.”**

Sooyoung falls back into her seat, her body visibly releases the tension she’s been holding in. She lets out a deep sigh, taking a moment to think how she’s supposed to start. Her eyes wandering and accidentally meet with Jiwoo’s, the girl gives her a reassuring smile – wordlessly encouraging her to continue. She has gotten so used to hiding under a pretentious front for so long that it scares her now that she’s about unleashed the thoughts constantly plaguing her – the mask she has created has gotten stuck unknowingly.

And now, she has no idea how to begin.

Until her phone buzzes, a message from Haseul saying that she’d come home a little bit later than usual. That’s when Sooyoung figured out; Jiwoo thought she’s dating someone, didn’t she? Maybe she could start from there on, so she unlocks her phone and hands it too the younger girl.

Jiwoo gives her a questioning look, and Sooyoung nudges her to take it. She obliges and sees how a messaging app is open – her eyes widen at the lengthy messages. She immediately stops reading, feeling like she’s invading a private territory she doesn’t have any right to cross. She grasps the older girl’s hand, seeks her eyes for permission and Sooyoung simply nods. The girl holds her hand tighter – Jiwoo notes how her hand feels a lot colder than usual, then proceeds to skimming through some of the messages for this particular contact named as, ‘ _Sol.’_

**_To Sol, 06 Nov 2020, 4:45pm:_ ** _hey yoo_

**_To Sol, 06 Nov 2020, 12:01am:_ ** _four years huh we’d graduate soon too, I wish you’re here_

**_To Sol, 9 Feb 2019, 2:57am:_ ** _sol? I miss you_

**_To Sol, 16 Nov 2018, 04:11am:_ ** _I have so much I want to tell you, imy_

**_To Sol, 06 Nov 2017, 01:12am:_ ** _it’s been a year since you left us, this isn’t fair_

**_To Sol, 20 Oct 2017, 03:15pm:_ ** _remember the girl who asked my number? I saw her today at the movies, ngl she’s cute ps: haseul got a gf now??? her name’s vivi, I think you’d like her_

**_To Sol, 14 Oct 2017, 02:09pm:_ ** _I mistakenly stopped a random blonde earlier, I thought she’s you but then her friend asked for my number lol_

**_To Sol, 13 June 2017, 07:32pm:_ ** _happy birthday! you’re a hag now I’m already taller than you. are you still afraid of sharks lol haseul was crying earlier, typical baby haseul ryt_

**_To Sol, 06 Nov 2016, 01:47am:_ ** _please come back_

**_To Sol, 06 Nov 2016, 01:34pm:_ ** _jung jinsol this is a bad joke stop it_

**_To Sol, 06 Nov 2016, 10:04am:_ ** _hey, it isn’t true, ryt_

**_To Sol, 06 Nov 2016, 01:22am:_ ** _yaa that’s dangeroud I hoppe the shrks find you lol_

**_From Sol, 05 Nov 2015, 11:58pm:_** _might go sneak out for a midnight swim with my couz. wish us luck? might find mermaid ghosts u r probably asleep tho_ _ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ_

Jiwoo purposely skips reading the lengthy messages that comprise of things that are way too personal for anyone to see. She has kept on scrolling until she found the last reply the contact sent – the date being over four years ago. So much questions rise from the back of her mind, things are starting to make sense. Jiwoo doesn’t ask for any explanation though – she just gives Sooyoung a patient look, waiting for her to finally say something.

_A ghost doesn’t have to be real for it to haunt you – it just does._

Every person has that _someone._

Someone they like but not really – not romantically, at least. It’s different from the cliché feelings countless books and movies talk about, no butterflies involved or anything cringey along those lines. Maybe it’s someone who hasn’t shown up for years or someone impossible to ever meet again, but one thing’s for sure – they have made so much impact in one’s life. Unlike fairy tales, chances are, it doesn’t have a _happy-ever-after_ either. Otherwise, Sooyoung wouldn’t be feeling this way.

For Sooyoung, that _someone_ comes in the form of her childhood friend.

For as long as she could remember, it has always been the three of them – Sooyoung, Haseul and _Jinsol._

Sooyoung, being the oldest of the bunch has always been their voice of reason – the logical one who always make sure that they could go home in one piece. Being just a couple of months older than the other girls, it doesn’t really mean much except for the small perk of being able to abuse that _hey-call-me-unnie-card_ she’d summon whenever they bicker. Meanwhile, Haseul is the complete opposite, the self-proclaimed leader of the pack. In other words, she’s the most chaotic one who’d drag them into random things, with a smug look claiming – **“Life is too short YOLO!”** In which Sooyoung would immediately shout back, **“It will even get shorter because of YOU!”**

Then there’s her, the last person who completes the trio – _Jung Jinsol._

Jinsol being the neutral one among them – she’s the one who breaks the never-ending disputes most of the time. Except, she wasn’t that much of a help either. When Sooyoung and Haseul would bicker and demand for an outsider’s insight, they’d go to Jinsol. In which the girl would unsurprisingly just say, **“Sorry, what was that? Are you talking to me?”**

It has always been like that ever since they were kids – Sooyoung and Haseul not letting each other breathe, then there’s Jinsol being far more interested with building gundams and watching documentaries than joining her friends’ _oh-so-meaningful-discussions._

* * *

* * *

_Living on the same neighborhood, on top of their parents being close pals since their younger days; it wasn’t a surprise for the three of them to spend a whole lot of time together. They’ve been stuck with each other since kindergarten and now they are even about to attend Seoul National University (SNU) together – an achievement they were able to finally get after multiple mental breakdowns amidst endless study sessions. If anyone would ask Jinsol though, she’d say her friends are just being their usual dramatic selves. Of course, the two girls would cry out, **“Not everyone is a genius, Ms. Jung who got an early admission for Engineering Department!”**_

****

_They have spent almost their whole eighteen years together; and honestly, they expect it to stay the same for the rest of their lives – until they graduate college, find jobs, marry the persons they love and eventually form their own families. Even when they turn old and grey, they were pretty sure they’d still be the same noisy kids who always cause ruckus – they’d be sitting around a bonfire on Halloween nights, scaring their grandchildren with ghost stories that are probably made-up just for the laughs of it._

_Except, none of that happened and Sooyoung knows it never would._

**_“I can’t believe we’re about to enter SNU!”_ ** _Jinsol squeals, platinum blonde locks dripping over her shoulders, looking comfortable and pleased with her blue sweater hugging her body._

**_“Sol, I can’t believe you dyed your hair!”_ ** _Haseul quips, tiptoeing to ruffle the girl’s hair._

**_“Well, I’ve promised I would if we all pass. You know we’re not allowed to break promises!”_ ** _Jinsol purses her lips in a pout, disapproval written all over her face – which ends up urging her friends to annoy her more._

**_“Sol, that’s good to know,”_ ** _Sooyoung taps her shoulder and she almost believed that the girl is being kind for once, but then she continued, **“but not good for your scalp!”** She teases her friend further, and of course, they all end up in another one of their classic banters._

_The first day of November has come, the wind blows a little bit colder, brown leaves falling on the ground, but some things remain the same – and for that, they’d always be grateful. They are still here, celebrating Halloween gathered around a small bonfire as their parents share booze not too far from them._

_Change will always be a scary concept, especially for them who are about to enter a new phase of life – a myriad of possibilities awaiting ahead of them. They are no longer the rowdy kids who go for adventures (courtesy of Haseul); instead, they are now young adults who still have a lot of growing up to do._

_Jinsol throws her head back, looking up to the night sky filled with so much stars, wistfully saying, **“Even after we enter univ, let’s always be like this. Let’s not change. Promise?”**_

****

_The other girls do the same, following Jinsol’s gaze, but affection has never been their strongest suit. It’s too early to be this emotional and they are heading to univ to get their degrees, it’s not like they are about to be send off to war or something. Sooyoung snickers, **“Ya, what are you being so sappy for?!”**_

****

_Haseul pretends to cringe as well, moving away from the blonde, **“Stop being cheesy, it’s making me shiver.”**_

****

_Despite their typical response, both of them understand what Jinsol is saying – they are fully aware that things are about to significantly change. They are still together though; their parents call them ‘The Three Musketeers’, so there’s no need to worry so much. Jinsol is just being Jinsol – her tendency to be nostalgic is at all time high, so Sooyoung raises her fist and reassures her, **“Of course. Promise.”**_

****

_Haseul being her usual dorky self, proceeds to dramatically wipe her non-existing tears, then engulfs them in a big hug. **“My babies, we should go ghost hunting!”**_

****

**_“Eh, we’re too old for that!”_ ** _Sooyoung immediately rejects the idea, but the childish idea brought a smile to her lips. (She’d never admit that out loud, of course.)_

_Haseul, fully-knowing that the girls would still go along with her silly idea huffs, **“You could never be too old for ghost hunting!”**_

****

****

****

* * *

_And apparently, Haseul was right – one would never be too old for ghost hunting. In the next few days, an unexpected change that would haunt them for years happened – the stars once again proving that they would never let anything go as planned. Freakin’ stars must have heard of their promise, so of course it would do everything in its power to ruin them. (Or, Sooyoung just desperately want to have something she could blame.)_

_It definitely wasn’t included on their plans when Jinsol went away for what’s supposed to be just an overnight trip to the beach, but ended up going to some place way too far for them to follow._

_Sooyoung has always taken Jinsol as someone very smart, but stupid Jinsol proved her wrong when she receives a message from the said girl at the ungodly hours of the night._

**_From Sol, 05 Nov 2015, 11:58pm:_** _might go sneak out for a midnight swim with my couz. wish us luck? might find mermaid ghosts u r probably asleep tho_ _ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ_

_Sooyoung simply ignores the message and continues watching the drama she has been binge-watching for the last few hours. After finishing an episode, she checks the time and concludes she should probably sleep. She sends Jinsol a quick reply – not even bothering to correct the typos she made – before heading off to bed._

**_To Sol, 06 Nov 2016, 01:22am:_ ** _yaa that’s dangeroud I hoppe the shrks find you lol_

_The next morning, Haseul wakes her up, she doesn’t find it unusual and just regard it as another day of Haseul showing up unexpectedly because she’s probably bored. Or, Sooyoung is too sleep-deprived to notice how puffy Haseul’s eyes are and how the girl’s about to have another breakdown any moment. Upon going out of her room, they see Jinsol’s mom on their living room – Mrs. Jung crying her heart out and Sooyoung’s mom trying her best to calm her down. In between anguished wails, Sooyoung hears them say that her father went with Mr. Jung to go identify the ‘body’. Sooyoung completely freezes – eyes blank, unaware that tears have started running down her face, she’s turning paler as the news start to sink in. Haseul hugs her tightly, trying her best to keep the shattered pieces of Sooyoung’s heart from completely falling apart – afraid she wouldn’t know what to do if it all comes crashing down. Their ‘leader’ embraces her, acting as if her heart isn’t just as broken._

_Stupid Jung Jinsol._

* * *

* * *

A ghost is a wish, but not like the ones people utter whenever they’d see a meteor approaching and moving through the atmosphere. It’s something more – a wish for connection, longing for a bridge across time and space, a desperate cry to the universe for another chance at trying. _A foolish wish._

Maybe it is, because Sooyoung relives those memories everyday – wishing that she could have done something. (She can’t.) 

Not a single day passes by wherein she doesn’t search for that familiar shade of blonde amongst the crowd, uselessly hoping that maybe, just maybe she would find her. She’d see anything tinted with that stupid blue hue and all she could think of is the ocean – the pain in her chest going in waves – bearable on better days and devastatingly debilitating at most days. She tries so hard to keep it buried deep, deep within her – as deep as the uncharted waters that has swallowed Jinsol on that awful day.

Not even a passing moment in which she has never thought of the girl and the endless possibilities. What could have happened if Sooyoung has done things differently?

Would she have been able to change anything?

Would Jinsol still be here – breathing, smiling, very much alive?

Would Sooyoung be free from all the guilt she’s been carrying?

Would she be alright?

_If things have turned out differently, would she be brave enough to express how much she loves Jiwoo without the fear of dragging her down with her?_

Sooyoung stands up from her seat, goes to her study table and rummages through her things. She shows Jiwoo a newspaper dated four years ago, the incident that has been haunting the older girl for years printed on the front page.

Time has passed, the article has been buried by countless recent news, but Sooyoung has kept a wrinkled copy of that newspaper. Perhaps, almost everyone has already forgotten its existence – that’s how it always is.

Almost.

For Sooyoung, it remains as a reminder of what happened, restlessly haunting her. Every letter of that damn article seemingly inked in her mind. She would never forget – and maybe she shouldn’t.

She feels so alone. So, so, so alone.

So many people out there, yet not even a single soul she trusts enough to bother on days she feels like disappearing. She has built her wall so high, she eventually ended losing sight of the other side. Now, she has been trapped in the fortress she herself has built – desperately in need of anyone. She wants to scream for help, but she feels like her voice has been stuck on her throat. So, it surprises her when she hears a cry.

Kim Jiwoo – the softest, cutest, brightest, loveliest girl whom she has met on that bizarre October afternoon – bawls her eyes out, shoulders heaving, little hiccups amidst her sobs. And just like on that embarrassing day they’ve unexpectedly run into each other again, Sooyoung’s tears start falling uncontrollably.

The tiny girl who’s just as much of a mess right now engulfs her in a warm hug. Sooyoung buries her face on the crook of the other girl’s neck, Jiwoo could feel the sobs wracking through her frame. She wraps her arms around the older girl, her vision so blurry from the tears. All she could see is how miserable Sooyoung is – and she’d be willing to do anything to help her. She certainly does not have any idea what’s the right thing to do nor what are the right words to say, but she knows she’d want to stay. The girl has been suffering alone for so long, and all Jiwoo could offer is her presence – she knows it wouldn’t suffice, but she wholeheartedly hopes it would at least take away some of the burden even just for a while. (And it does.)

_On days she didn’t feel like showing up, what she needed most was for someone to show up._

**“Sooyoungie, I don’t hate you. I don’t think I would ever do.”** The younger girl reassures her; and for some reason, Sooyoung feels like that’s what she’s been wanting to hear for years.

Instead of looking for someone she could rely on, she has opted out to rely on herself because that’s more convenient. And maybe that’s where it all went wrong; she has relied on herself for far too long – for years, she had tried so hard to bury everything. Just because it’s convenient, doesn’t mean it’s right. If it is, then she wouldn’t be here.

_Sooyoung doesn’t hate ghosts, she hates herself._

**“Do you remember when we watch that sad movie?”** The younger girl randomly asks, Sooyoung nods. Jiwoo continues, **“You probably don’t remember, but it was my birthday.”**

**“…Are you gonna pull off a cheesy line like I’m the gift or something?”** The older girl deadpans and Jiwoo cracks up at that, she’s genuinely glad to see that the girl seems to be somehow back to her usual self.

**“I was about to say you bought me crepes, but that works too.”** Jiwoo chuckles, and just like what Sooyoung did when they’ve met on that movie theatre, she wipes the older girl’s tear-stained face using the sleeve of her jacket.

**“Do you like me because of crepes then? Not even the penguin plushie or anything, but crepes? Really?”** Sooyoung whines, a small pout forming, and the other girl finds it very endearing. Jiwoo would say the older girl has always been subtly taking good care of her since Day 1, befitting of the ‘reliable cool unnie’ vibes she exudes. If anyone would ask her though, her favorite Sooyoung is when she’s being like this – unintentionally cute, looking irresistibly soft. She’s taller than Jiwoo herself, but she feels like keeping her in her pocket – keeps her by her side, away from things that are hurting her.

The younger girl just shakes her head, a grin still plastered across her face. Sooyoung huffs, **“Why would you even like me then?”**

Jiwoo being Jiwoo, she has always been perceptive. Sees how there’s a certain degree of seriousness lying underneath those eyes, senses the tinge of insecurity meticulously hidden behind the playful tone – maybe the older girl herself doesn’t even realize it, but Jiwoo does.

**“Sooyoungie, I love you.”** Jiwoo simply answers, the corner of her mouths unconsciously turning upward. Sooyoung’s brain buffers a bit, unsure of what she heard. She tries her best to comprehend, but still couldn’t, so she asks again, **“But I’m just me?”**

**“Exactly! I love you because you are _you,_ ” **The younger girl pipes in, showing off her signature bright smile. Sooyoung still thinks the universe is a troll, but she’s low-key starting to reconsider it. Maybe it’s not that bad, since it seems like the freakin’ universe has finally decided to help her out by sending a special star in a form of the tiny girl named _Kim Jiwoo._

Except unlike other stars, Jiwoo doesn’t burn, doesn’t watch her from afar and doesn’t seem to be going anywhere soon. Jiwoo is beside her – for that alone, she feels incredibly lucky. Squinting her eyes, Sooyoung playfully asks, **“Just _me_ who probably needs therapy?”**

Sooyoung has been unknowingly blaming and loathing herself for too long, she couldn’t fathom the idea of someone genuinely loving her. So, Jiwoo tries her best to make Sooyoung understand – hoping that someday, she’d learn to see her worth.

**“I hope you’d love yourself at least half as much as I love you.”** Jiwoo meant every single word, and Sooyoung is pretty sure that no movie nor book could top that kind of confession. If she wasn’t sure before, she’s sure now that she loves this tiny creature so much. She isn’t fooling anyone though; she has always been sure – just her dumb coward self being too afraid to admit it. This time, she wouldn’t run away.

Letting go of Kim Jiwoo once is a foolish decision, and she promises herself to never do the same mistake ever again. Sooyoung is right about one thing though – she’s doomed. She’s screwed because she can’t think of anything – feels her heart insistently thumping again – and she swears she’d eventually do something about it. **“I hope you’d know I’ll do my best to do that. Wait for me a bit more?”**

And of course, Jiwoo would happily do so. She takes Sooyoung’s hand, gives her cheek a soft kiss – an unspoken promise that she’d wait for as long as it takes. Taken aback by the action, the older girl blushes furiously. Jiwoo cracks up, maybe she’s enjoying the fact that she has this kind of effect over Sooyoung a bit too much. She definitely could get used to this. She adds, **“Right now, I know you need therapy more than a girlfriend.”**

Jiwoo teasingly gives the girl a wink, “ **That doesn’t mean I’ll give up though. I love you too.”**

* * *

When Vivi drops Haseul off their apartment, they find the two girls peacefully sleeping on Sooyoung’s bed – cuddled up together with small smiles on their lips. Haseul does her best not to cry at the sight, Vivi gives her a comforting hug and it makes her want to cry more. She has always been lucky for having her girlfriend – Vivi, but Sooyoung isn’t as lucky to find someone who could be there for her in ways Vivi is to Haseul.

She could still clearly recall how utterly broken Sooyoung looked on that dreadful day four years ago; and the years that followed it. Every time November comes, Haseul becomes anxious – too afraid that she might lose another friend. Seeing Sooyoung’s reaction during their Halloween trip, she thought she’d really end up losing her this time.

So, when she sees how happy her best friend seems to be right now, she’s just so glad and grateful to Jiwoo. Haseul realizes that there’s no longer a need for her to worry too much.

In time, Sooyoung would be fine.

* * *

_These last few weeks have been exhausting_

_I’m lost in my imagination_

_And there’s one thing that I need from you_

_Can you come through?_


	3. EPILOGUE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Every winter has its spring.

_'Cause as long as there's each other_ _  
The world won't even matter  
And life would be a simple bliss  
It'd be as simple as this_

* * *

Nature has always been fickle, susceptible to different factors which affect everyone in one way or another. Constantly changing, never one to settle on anything particular; but once in a while, it sleeps – temperature significantly lowers, frost starts to form, snow covers the ground, trees become bare, animals enter hibernation and people begin cursing the season for freezing the roads.

When the earth is tilted away from the sun, the rays from the sun would need to travel further through the atmosphere before they reach the surface. That’s when one would know that winter has finally come – the days grow shorter and the nights grow longer. Along the coldest time of the year, falling, slipping and sliding on ice become a lot more common. Worse, the freezing cold makes it incredibly excruciating to leave the comfort of one’s bed, let alone having to get out of the house and attend univ classes. In other words, winter makes everything at least three times more annoying.

So, it surprises Haseul when she wakes up to the cheerful humming of her roommate. The last time she checked, Sooyoung hates winter just as much as she does. (And honestly, who doesn’t?)

**“Are you sick?”** Haseul questions, her hair still messy, eyes still half-asleep. Their wall clock indicates that it’s still too early for them to be getting up from their beds, yet here is Sooyoung – happily preparing what seems to be too much food for the both of them. Sure, her roommate is a good cook, but it still doesn’t explain why she’s up so early.

**“Good morning! Want some coffee?”** Sooyoung shortly greets Haseul, her voice sounding too chirpy for someone who had just woken up.

**“…Hello? What’s the occasion? Did I forget my birthday or what?”** Haseul takes a seat on their small dining table, still baffled with her friend’s seemingly good mood. As seniors, they have taken their final exams a week earlier than other students. They don’t really have any reason to be up this early and normally, they’d opt to sleep until noon then spend the rest of the day just being lazy.

Sooyoung simply shrugs, gives her a playful eye-roll and hands her a cup of hot coffee. The girl goes back to what she’s doing, a satisfied smile plastered across her face as she carefully packs the food into small plastic containers. **“Exam week ends today. I just want to do something for Jiwoo.”**

Haseul’s ears immediately perk up, a teasing grin surfacing, sleepiness has been momentarily forgotten in exchange of a chance at making fun of her friend. **“Aww, girlfriend duties? I didn’t know you could be this sweet, I almost wanna throw up. How cute.”**

**“Shut up, as if you aren’t just as cringey with Vivi-unnie,”** Sooyoung snickers, trying to contain the blush creeping up her face. Ignoring her friend’s teasing, she proceeds to carry the rest of the dishes to their dining table, **“Also, she isn’t my girlfriend.”**

**“And whose fault do you think is that?”** Unamused, the short-haired girl asks, takes a sip of her coffee before continuing, **“Maybe if you aren’t such a coward.”**

Her roommate reaches for the rolled omelets, but Sooyoung takes the plate away from her. She’s aware that her friend is merely stating the truth; but that doesn’t make it any less annoying, so she decides to be petty. **“What was that again?”**

Looking betrayed, Haseul scoffs, **“Okay, okay, forgive me, your majesty. I shall keep my mouth shut with food.”**

Sooyoung nods, putting down the plate, contented with the answer her friend gave her. They eat quietly with Haseul yawning occasionally, probably still wanting to sleep more. They remain peaceful for a while until Sooyoung blurts out a question, her voice carries a serious tone which catches her friend’s attention right away, making her stop from eating. **“How were you able to easily get over _it_?”**

Haseul notes how the girl’s expression shifts, a hint of discomfort upon mentioning something she has decided to bury behind. They both know they have to eventually talk about it, they have been putting it off for far too long. Honestly, they find it ridiculous how it has been years, yet they would still flinch upon the mention of what has happened. Her friend is the first one to mention it this time though – that’s something new, so Haseul thinks it’s probably about time to finally address this once and for all. **“Who said it was easy? Of course, I miss Sol a lot.”**

_Sol. Jinsol._

Sooyoung has been trying her best not to mention the girl’s name, but now that Haseul says it out loud, it’s really silly. All this time, what was she so afraid of? Since when did saying their friend’s name become such a difficult thing to do? What’s so wrong about it?

These days, Sooyoung has started to come to terms with the endless thoughts plaguing her mind. It wasn’t easy at first, having to let go of the pent-up emotions she has been restraining for years wasn’t a simple thing to do. All these years, she has been too caught up with her own misery, almost forgetting that Haseul must have been suffering as well. **“Did you ever blame yourself?”**

**“Yeah. I did, but not anymore.”** Haseul truthfully admits, and for some reason, knowing that she wasn’t the only one brooding over it comforts Sooyoung. Her friend gives her a kind smile, a silent encouragement and assurance that it’s okay, things will turn out fine. With that, they continue eating – basking in the silence of the cold morning.

At least until her same-aged friend goes back to her usual self, the oh-so-peaceful moment didn’t exactly last for long. Of course, Haseul wouldn’t be Haseul if she doesn’t make a fuss and be nosy about Sooyoung’s love life. (Or, the lack thereof.)

**“Are you really _really_ sure you’re not dating Jiwoo?” **Haseul asks for what seems like the hundredth time just over the past month, eyes squinted, scanning the other girl’s face for any hint of dishonesty. Most likely, she would keep on asking over and over again until she finally gets the answer she wants. Lowering her voice, she adds in a half-whisper, **“Don’t be shy, I won’t tease you too much. I still would, but not too much!”**

**“Yeah, we’re not _dating_ ,” **Sooyoung retorts, unintentionally dragging out the last word as if she isn’t sure herself. She’d like to blame Haseul for asking too many questions, thus making her doubt things on her own. She knows it would be a lie to say that she hasn’t been thinking about it all along though. Well, not that she’d ever admit that out loud. (Or maybe she would.)

Haseul let out a frustrated groan – she thought she’s already such a useless gay herself, but her friend here is clearly a living proof that she isn’t that bad yet. Sighing, she’s about to throw a tantrum and scream at her roommate when Sooyoung surprisingly adds, **“I kinda wish we are though.”**

**“Oooh, you’ve caught something.”** Haseul takes back everything she has said, maybe her friend isn’t that hopeless after all.

**“Caught what?”** Sooyoung mused, pretty much still unaware where the conversation is heading. She sees her friend’s serious face, and she almost believes it for a second. Almost.

**“Feelings.”** The short-haired girl proudly says, bearing a teasing grin and eyebrows playfully raising. For Sooyoung, it’s another day of reminding herself that Haseul is her friend, and she shouldn’t _accidentally_ throw the chopsticks she’s holding to her oh-so-kind best friend’s annoying face.

At least the girl volunteers to clean up and wash their plates though, urging Sooyoung to go ahead and prepare herself. With another sidenote, _“Go get you girl, good luck!”_

* * *

Winter is the season wherein people would prefer staying at the comfort of their homes – staring out the window, waiting for spring. February is about to end; morning news talked how today has one of the lowest temperatures recorded in history. As Sooyoung walks around the boulevard of Seoul National University, she passes by countless students dressed with thick coats, doing their best to survive the wrath of the chilling air. A thin blanket of snow covers everything – the array of trees bounding the road, even the pavement she’s walking in is as white as the clouds decorating the sky – the glorious work of the light snowfall earlier.

Sooyoung wonders if penguins do just fine on winter. “ _Do they even hibernate?”_ She’d insist she’s just curious, it certainly has nothing to do with the tiny girl who reminds her of those adorable creatures. Penguins should be used to the cold climate, right? Jiwoo wouldn’t be sick or anything, right?

Before her mind could go further, worrying about her favorite _penguin’s_ well-being, the girl shows up. Wrapped in a white padded jacket, looking so soft, Jiwoo frantically waves at her, **“Sooyoungie!!!”**

The girl’s overly-excited loud voice catches the attention of some passersby, which Sooyoung ignores. Or, maybe it’s more accurate to say that she’s too busy admiring Jiwoo who resembles a fluffy marshmallow to even care about her surroundings. During winter, the earth isn’t supposed to be facing the sun, right? It’s literally freezing, but she could feel the familiar warmth blooming in her chest just with the mere sight of this tiny human being who goes by the name Kim Jiwoo. Oh, the things Kim Jiwoo does to her heart. Ha Sooyoung is beyond saving. (And she doesn’t seem to be complaining.)

The older girl waves back, an affectionate smile paints her lips, which quickly falls into a small frown as she notices the presence of the stranger beside Jiwoo. A girl bearing a black short hair who is undeniably attractive, but Sooyoung is more focused on the stranger’s left arm intertwined with Jiwoo’s right arm. The girl has probably noticed Sooyoung’s not-so-subtle staring, because she takes back her arm and awkwardly clears her throat.

**“Juwonnie, this is Ha Sooyoung,”** Jiwoo happily beams, oblivious with the older girl’s growing frown.

**“I’m Cha Juwon…nice to meet you?”** Juwon reluctantly offers a handshake, Sooyoung simply nods, giving the stranger’s hand a firm shake. Clearly, it doesn’t take a genius to realize what’s happening. Fortunately, Juwon isn’t as oblivious as Jiwoo. (Or, she’d just rather exit the scene as soon as possible before Sooyoung could jump on her.) She immediately adds, **“Ah, I have to go now. See ya later, Jiwoo-ssi.”**

Jiwoo blinks back at the sudden use of honorifics, but Juwon leaves before she could even utter anything. Clueless, she shouts at her friend’s retreating back, **“Text me later, Juwonnie!”**

**_“Juwonnie…”_** Sooyoung grumpily mumbles, her voice coming out more as an incoherent whisper. The younger girl gives her a questioning look, her head slightly tilted, confused whether she has said something wrong.

**“I’ve never heard of her?”** This time, the older girl audibly speaks, taking Jiwoo’s hand – putting their interlocked fingers in the pocket of her coat. Sooyoung would insist it’s for the purpose of keeping their hands warm, which isn’t a lie, but isn’t entirely right either.

**“Jungie was absent the other day and we needed partners, then she’s there,”** Jiwoo being Jiwoo – always affectionate to everyone – she starts to rumble about this _Juwonnie_ , unaware that Sooyoung had stopped listening after the first sentence.

Her mind is currently engrossed with the growing urge to strangle their beloved friend Kim Jungeun. The girl is supposed to be the responsible one out of the bunch, right? Just why did she have to miss that freaking class? Of course, Sooyoung isn’t blaming her for letting Jiwoo and whoever that _Juwonnie_ is for being buddies; she’s just concerned for Jungeun’s grades. Students are not supposed to miss their classes. Right, she’s just being a good senior who wants to set her younger friends into the correct path.

**“She’s nice. Very pretty too, right?”** Jiwoo excitedly adds, making the older girl raise her eyebrows. Okay, she isn’t a violent person, but maybe she should really strangle Jungeun.

**“You think she’s pretty?”** Sooyoung chimes in, her voice sounding monotonous – if one would look closely, they’d see the oh-so-famous _green-eyed monster_ peeking.

**“Yep.”** Jiwoo naively beams back, making the older girl grumpier.

**“Okay.”** Sooyoung coldly responds, not even sparing the other girl a glance.

**“What…okay?”** Jiwoo stops walking, making Sooyoung halt on her tracks as well.

**“Nothing, I said okay.”** She answers, still refusing to look at the other girl. For some unknown reason, she feels more annoyed than usual – mostly at Jungeun, she’d make sure to give their friend an earful next time.

Seeing Sooyoung’s not-so-subtle pout, something inside Jiwoo just clicks – finally understanding what’s going on with the older girl. Amused, she throws her head back with a loud cackle, almost wanting to clutch her stomach. Amidst her fits of laughter, she jokes, **“Wait…are you jealous?”**

At last, Sooyoung turns her back – directly facing the younger girl’s gaze, **“Yes. Very jealous. What about it?”**

Now, that’s a surprise. She isn’t complaining, but she didn’t expect Sooyoung to actually answer. She’s just teasing her as usual, but who knew the older girl would really be like this? Maybe she should thank Juwon later. Fascinated, she tries to probe a bit more, **“Are you saying you like me then?”**

**“No. I’m saying,”** Sooyoung pauses, her gaze falling on the snowy pavement they are standing on as if it has suddenly become the most interesting thing on earth. The younger expectantly waits for her to continue, so she bashfully adds, **“I love you, I think.”**

Jiwoo squints her eyes, **“You think?”**

**“No, I know so!”** Sooyoung briskly replies, confidently this time – her voice loud and clear.

Tiptoeing, Jiwoo gives her lips a soft peck, too brief for the older girl to even process what just happened. Biting back a smile, the shorter girl asks, **“Is that okay?”**

Still on a daze, Sooyoung touches her lips, still baffled that Jiwoo just kissed her. Albeit being quick, that still doesn’t change the fact that the girl just kissed her out of nowhere on the middle of the boulevard. Her face burns up, probably all the way to her ears. (It’s okay, she could blame the cold weather.) Internally screaming, she replies, **“More than okay. Do it more often.”**

Eyes crinkling, the widest grin plastered across her soft features, Jiwoo brightly declares, **“Good. I love you too.”**

Bright.

Sometimes, when things become too much, one would be afraid to reach out for help – too terrified to drag down the persons they love into the pit of darkness that their mind has unknowingly conjured. Life tends to mess things up out of nowhere and when it does, it leaves a mark that could last a lifetime. A scar that would continuously haunt a person for days, weeks, months or sometimes even years.

For Sooyoung, it’s comparable to an insistent _spooky ghost_ that bangs on her door whenever November comes. It shamelessly barges in, signifying the start of another winter – the _cold air_ piercing and stinging every fiber of her being. And every year, the ghost would keep on visiting her, a lingering curse that’s in need of a powerful sorcerer.

Except in this world, magic doesn’t really exist – so what she seeks for is a _mellow bright_ place that could soothe the aching cold.

Sooyoung has been _frozen_ in time for far too long.

Jiwoo is neither a sorcerer who could lift the curse nor a necromancer who could chase away the ghost – she’s just _Jiwoo._ The girl with the brightest, softest, most precious smile who got a tight grip on her. Her ball of sunshine that would warmly embrace Sooyoung on her darkest nights, reminding her that she’s not alone in this.

_Just Jiwoo who keeps her head afloat, she's her every little thing in between November Blues._

Bad days are still bound to come, but for Sooyoung – her spring has arrived. It’s still _freezing,_ but holding Jiwoo’s hand makes her realize that it’s undeniably the warmest winter she ever had for years.

* * *

_All will be alright in time._

**_To Sol, 28 Feb 2021, 9:30am:_** _Right now, I’m happy._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, it's Cha Juwon from Chuu's web drama. lol
> 
> It's my first time posting a Chuuves fic, but I hope you've enjoyed it. I don't know how it reached 15k+ words, but thank you for reading! 
> 
> T - T  
> I'm @/drunkcatto on twt, shout at me anytime. Although I honestly just spam cat memes and cry over Chuu 24/7. 
> 
> PS: Hey, happy birthday!


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